breaking free..

..am i the only single person in this whole world..???

2006-08-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

..its been a long time since i posted something here..oh well, maybe the my urge of writing right now is greater than before....probably, because i just want to express something....

....IM I THE ONLY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS WORLD...?

...ok...my two closest friends are happy with their partners...Gretchen has found a new love...while Monica is still going strong with her *ehem* love one... oh well, no need to give a deep info on that.....well anway..., that leaves me the only single in our small world...... QUESTIONS..??..yeah..yeah.. yeah... im kinda sad... before, i used to pray to God not to give me a suitor unless I graduate..i say..., God really is a good friend of mine..He really listens to what i say..! hahahaha....and this isn't the very first time He did that to me....oh welll,,, yeah im kinda sad trully...sometimes,whenever i watch films about love, i envy them, and i wish i also have somebody to share my life with...*nax!*.. yeah.... im 18...so why can't i..??? or... can i..??! hahaha... my parents won't agree on me with regards of love..thats one of the reasons why i prayed for it.. oh well.. envy envy envy..envy me... yeah.. i guess.. i have to live like this.. hahaha... living my own prayers..but thank u Lord though..coz i know u have reasons ... and i asked for it......so i guess.. before u ask something.. THINK ABOUT IT..!!!! ..

"Being a Geisha is not about selling her body but her talent"

2006-04-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

Movie Preview

Memoirs of a Geisha

i have waited for this film to be released since i heard they made a novel into a movie.... well, i missed to see it when it was showed in the theater, but then i have my own copy of it now....i was excited to watch the movie for it was one of my tastes, western style.However,after i saw the film, my likeness seemes to reach the end...it was a good movie, but other concerns implies to me negatively...

"Being a Geisha is not about selling her body but her talent"*im not sure if this is the right phrase but the thought is still the same" as one of those who watched the movie, it implies to me that "Being a Geisha is to sell her body using her talent"..why would i consider such..??? well the movie tells me so...first, she was like a poor thing that has to be developed in order to be a geisha..... she was bought and trained to be one... then whe she has all the talents she was used to pay her debts...then she was advertised.well to be clearly, her virginity was advertised 'the snake has not yet reach the cave' and everyone was longing for her first time since it was something 'sacred' and the highest bidder could have her first time... so 15,00 yen was the highest..such a low price for a priceless dignity... ok...so there is more...after the war..she became poor again..then one of her customers approached her to help him 'convince' the americans for a business..... well, she did.she became a geisha again... so on... the movie says that it was for love. she was in love with the chairman and she was determined to be a geisha just to see him....well, they say... u conquer everything for love...but..to what extent are u willing to give and able to give for love.? that is my search since i haven't been 'in love'

however, the movie in general for me was humanly in correct.women,in focus, should not be seeing themselves as persons who use their body as an object of money. a woman's organ is not a determinant of her worth. neither a woman should not let herself be judged by what is seen or touched. it isn't about religion that i speak of, rather, about a creature with purpose. her purpose is not to be used by people , both men and women, rather a deeper insight of it. she is not an object of pleasure to be longe by people in search of it. a woman is someone and not something.

...ohhh..i Love my First time..!!!..

2006-04-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

..ok....i don't know exactly how to begin coz my mind says 'u post a blog' while my body says 'nah..just sleep'...ok...so ill post a blog.... ok.. this is about my first time...

...last Monday, i got off from school at around 9 pm..so i went on top of the hill...i saw this man..., an asian.., cute... really really handsome..and sizzling hot... wow..!!!..super hot....i was seduced by him..i went up and together we had a journey to heaven..it was pretty smooth, although we had a couple of bumpy roads in the middle of our long drive that we were really really really tired......, yet, we were still satisfied.....it was 10 pm when we finally reached the very point since we had it twice... it was really really stressfull and we almost got lost... but in the end... satisfaction guaranteed.... ^_^.. hahahaha.... i wanna do it with him again... =p

.....it was my first public Ride in California....

....Thank u for Omni Bus Transpo..!!!....i almost got lost because it was my first time to ride a bus and i was alone...i only had the bus book in my hand.. and thanx also to Bianca who answered my phone calls during that night.. get well soon bianca..!!!..

.....hahaha..... VICTIM..!!! ^_^

..Music Review...

2006-04-06T00:54:00.000-07:00

Steep

by Nina

Softly, gently, i will let you down
Cause i don't love you in the same way now
I can hold you but not with lover's arms
Cause you are more of a brother to me now
And i can lie next to you, but i can't lie to you
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep, for me it's getting
Steep
I loved you for exactly who you are,
And i'd say you've come the nearest yet by far,
And i can lie next tou you, but i can't lie to you
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep, for me it's getting
Steeper and in the dark that's where i want to be
Deeper, i'm going somewhere you won't want to see...
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep
Yes i will watch you,
Walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain drops
For you the future's easy, so don't weep
For me it's getting
Steep.

..errr..just wanna share something..

2006-04-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

A Quest for a Gist
I bought a book entitled The Alchemist written by Paolo Coelho who later became my favorite author. The book was recommended by a friend of mine who told me how inspiring the book is. So I bought my own copy and read it as soon as I reached my home. As I have completed the first few chapters, I immediately liked it. Few reasons: maybe because of its comprehensible narration just like a fairytale book; its quotations that I can relate with; and the simplicity of words. However in the middle part of it, I have read a line which says, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”, then I stopped and closed the book. In that moment I remembered my most frustrating moment of my life.
De La Salle University is one of the prestigious universities in my country, Philippines. It was my dream to be enrolled in that school not because of it being famous but other important things such as: the Christian values they inject to the students; competitive students they produce; good environment; high possibility of having a quality job after graduation etc. I am a Lasallian, the name they call to the student who is enrolled to any of their schools and practice the Lasallian values, that is why I know how the organization enriches their students. It was in that school that I planted my dreams and my future that is why I stopped dreaming for a while after I found out I did not get through it. I was at the internet café when I did not saw my name on the list of passers. I was trying to hold back my tears because I was in a public place but few drops kept falling from my red eyes even in front of the cashier that made him ask me “why are you crying?”, I just stared at him and I think he understood the unspoken words. I can not even recall how I managed to bring myself home safely with an unfocused mind and drifting heart, but I know that As soon as I reached home, I threw my self to bed and cried loudly and told my mom what happened. I knew she was going to blame everything to me and I was right. Moreover, for the first time, I lost my words to defend my self and let my Mom’s judgments joined with my own regrets. When she left my room, I stood and locked the door; I sat in front of a Crucifix and asked “Why?” I said things but I never blamed nor shout at Him. I just asked for strength to accept things; open-mind to understand what happened; courage to face the present; and hope for my future. But the pain was still all over me. I had to go to school even though I looked haggard, unprepared and emotionally unstable. Yes, I was physically present yet mentally absent. For a week I was silent and lost then I burst when the letters from De La Salle University was given to us. I knew what was inside so I did not open mine, until now. I tried to escape so I would not see the happy faces of the passers but sadness was fast and I ended up hugging my friend and cried deeply again.
I graduated High School and went to Manila for College. The pain due to failure was still in me but not as much as before. It was still penetrating me but I must move on. It was even harder because two of my cousins are enrolled there and taking the course that I wanted and I was just envious of them. I could not look at the campus when we passed in front of it several times, either. I tried once but the pain kicked again and tears were falling again. I could not accept the fact because I did not see any reason why I should, not until our immigration papers were approved. I allotted a time for me to look back and search for the missing piece. There are few things in my mind right now. First, I went to Trinity College of Quezon City with a scholarship taking B.S Nursing then our immigration papers were approved. If I was enrolled in De La Salle University, it could have cost me more since everything there is expensive and considering the fact that scholarship is hard to get in a high standard school. Second, perhaps God thinks I am not well equipped to enter a tough competition and failure might decrease my self-esteem. Lastly, probably it was just a test for me to check on how I deal with things particularly with failures and be ready for a bigger challenge.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”. I wanted to be in the said University unfortunately, I did not get through the test. So does this mean that the universe forgot to help me achieve my goal? I would rather not accept that kind of notion. It has this uncanny way to think of it. The universe helped me to achieve my goal by not letting me pass the test. The frustration that I dealt before was a bridge done by the universe so I can be nearer to my dream. Meaning, I have to look at the brighter side of things instead of taking it negatively. Moreover, it was assistance instead of hindrance. Even though it was drowning me to death, I have to pull myself and move on. As what Paolo Coelho said “you drown not by falling into the water, but staying submerged in it”. I had to be firm when I fought against my emotions because for me I can not live my whole life in the past since there are things in the future that I have to meet. I struggled in a bumpy road towards my goal while searching for answers and in the middle of it I found one that helped soothe everything. I guess no matter how arduous it may seem it still has its meaning and any meaningful thing has its purpose and its purpose is to bring me closer to my dream.

...What the..??!!!..

2006-03-29T11:18:00.000-08:00

..March 28, 2004 at 1:30 P.M..

>>>> suppose to be my behind the wheel driving test...so the night before my 'conviction' , i was so nervous..i already had butterflies in my stomach..!!... i even had a dream about tomorrow.!!..i had enough sleep coz i slept around 10 pm...but then i woke four times..!!!... 3:00 am, 4:am, 6 am then 6:45 am.. excited..??!!..not really.... scared..??!!!.. SUPER..!!!!!!!!.. hahahaaha....

>>>> i went to school. i attended my class but my mind was still in that darn driving test..!!!..i went to the library after... met Monica there..we chatted in the study room..! *harharhar..! favorite chatting place..! hahaha..* as we alway do.. c", then she went out by 10:50 coz she has a class... so my dad picked me up by 11 am...

>>>>we went driving around the DMV to be familiar with the road.. it was raining and some streets were flooded... and it added excitement to me..! hahaha..coz behind my head i was thinking about the considerations they would give.lol..!..*difficult to drive*.. so around 12:45 we thought of going to dmv now coz there might be a long lane ahead of us..however, we couldn't find the place..!!!.. hahhaa..adventure..! we moved around 1 street coz i was sure it was located there, yet we passed it 3x..! hahahaa....

>>>> we got there by 1:09..too early and suprisingly, there were only few people so we were entertained pretty fast.... i gave my papers then the fat old *i think late 40's* spoke to us RUDELY..!!!.. and said they might cancel the drving test coz of the rain but she let us wait because the rain stopped for a while.. then by 2:15 *more than an hour!!* she called my name and asked as to park in the parking space for those who will be taking the test.. i sat behind the wheel waited for the proctor who passed our car twice and a CERTIFIED CUTIE.. n_n hahahaa... lol..!!!.. he asked me to open my window for my preliminary test i was calm *coz its best for me*.. he asked for my papers.. then suddenly he said.. "im sorry i couldn't allow u to take the test coz ur permit has not reached 6 months..but its ok to take it when u reach 18...which comes first between the two, thats when we will allow u to take the test..." and i was just.. WHHHAATTTT?!!!!... it wasn't funny at all..! he told us to go meet the person at the front desk...

>>>> and so the rude fat old lady and i met again..!!!..and was even worst..!!!!.. her eyes grew big when i talked about my permit.. asked her why she didn't tell me when she checked it.... damn that fat woman..!!! she's a bitch... *im sorry.!* but she really is dumb ass..!!!... her rudeness ruined my day..!!!!!!!

>>>> so i went home pissed off..!!..and really pissed off... i drove smoothly..*made me think, do i have to be on heat so i can drive like this??* i ate a lot so i would calm down.. * my evil therapy* ....and slept whole afternoon so i wouldn't think of crazy things..!!!... still.,, damn that fat old woman..!!!!!..

..another guessing game... ^_^

2006-03-27T02:33:00.000-08:00

..guess! guess! guess..!!!! age ko nito..??
hehehe.... i miss my cousin den den...
she's not anne curtis ayt..??? hehehee... she's pretty noh..?? yeah..!!! it runs in the family...!!!! heheheeh... :) hahah.. kidding.. she's really really pwetty.. :) miss yah..!!!

..bon Jovi Concert..

2006-03-24T12:48:00.000-08:00

..The Man..!!!

...Bon Jovi Concert, Las Vegas...

2006-03-22T13:21:00.000-08:00

The crowd

The Concert

This is what you call

...E-N-T-E-R-T-A-I-N-M-E-N-T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

..let not my anger eat me..

2006-03-08T23:50:00.000-08:00

Lord God.. let not my anger eat me tonight...im feeling it right now in my body and soul........ im shaking already because im trying to hold back my feelings..i don't want anything bad to come out of my mouth that i will regret in the future.... help me understand him...please..i might not give him respect anymore....... please Lord..i don't want evil in my heart...i don't want my love for him to vanish and be occupied by hatred..please Lord.. please... guide my actions, words and mind.. i can not do this with out u..

..If Frustration Persists, Consult the Parlor..!!!..

2006-03-07T22:38:00.000-08:00

...dan daran dan..!!!...

..welcome to scary picz by yours truly..

!!!!!! WARNING !!!!!!

..if you have history of any heart disease.. please see you physician first before

scrolling down...

..so why am i frustrated..??..ok..just last friday..i talked with my councilor and we discused about my educational plan..i found out..ill be graduating college with a degree of Associate Degree of Nursing (ADN) by 2010..here is the sad part...if i were in the Philippines, i could have finish by 2009.. and whats even more heart breaking.., that 2010 is only an estimated time....if ill be able to apply and be accepted in the middle of the process,possibly..im in..but if not (when my application is pending or im waitlisted..) then a year is added to it..!!!..could you imagine that..!!!!!!!....

..reasons why i wanted to finish early..first of all, i want to enjoy my single life with my own money..concentrating on what i have and what i want to do with it..including my personal plans, ambitions and savings for my future (family). and i can see that my dad is already tired... i wanna take his sit by then..!!!.. and honestly, i envy my classmates..im one of the youngest students who got in to college ...ok pride thing..im sorry.. im just telling the truth....

...so i cut my hair unplanned..i know its weird..! coz thats what i do when im sad..my hair suffers..! hahaha..lolz!..i look like an awful pig i know..and its one of my worsts haircuts.? hahaha..i guess so..but i love it though coz of its bangs thing.. hahaha... get ready for pimple attack..! and oh..i already have one uncovered by my hair..! hahaha.. thats ok... well.. atleast im fine now..thanx to the haircute ?? or haircut.. hahaha....but it did help ease the pain though....

...Just A Thought...

2006-03-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

“But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”
It is ironic for me to share my thoughts about pain in front of sensible people because I myself falter a lot of times in surviving after a dreadful experience. I am referring to emotional pain since for me it is something that is engraved in one’s heart and mind compared to a wound that dries into a painless scar. I believe we all do feel that kind of phenomena but it only differ between the intensity of how it penetrates our ego and the factors that causes the squeezy feeling that drives us crazy. Yes, it does turn our world upside down and each of us has a story to tell. Some hanged themselves because they were dumped by the person they love; other pulled the trigger into their head because they could not accept failure; perhaps cut their wrist and bleed to death; or drug over dose. It is in the middle of depression that we feel isolated from the world thus we see ourselves futile like a trash that needs to be disposed, hopeless as if we are the only person experiencing death. Again, I say I am not one of the bravest but I never thought of killing myself. Life is beautiful and I do not want to cease it. Well, not this time though and I hope I won’t grab a knife in the future..
“You know what the Buddhist says? Do not cling to things because everything is impermanent.” This is a beautiful verse that I have read from one of my favorite books Tuesdays with Moorie by Mitch Albom and it is one of my inspirations. I had experienced hardships and I manage to push through with a clear mind. But there was no abrupt solution. I had sleepless nights, tears, hot tempered, thrown my things in the air and even punched the wall that almost broke my fist. Nonetheless, it made me pause for a while and read the message it brings. I got tired of the situation and unknowingly I accepted the negatives. I do not have any idea how it went but the Mitch Albom wrote it into words. He says that we detach ourselves from the experience. Silly isn’t it? “But detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it”. There are many ways to kill a fish but there is only one perfect cut that satisfies your delight. What I am trying to say is, we have choices on how to deal with depression however, between those lies only one solution that can help not to fight back nor run away but to accept things as it is. It happened and it can no longer be changed. It does not make you numb rather, it helps you indeed because the next time it hits you again, you come prepared. It will not bother you too much because you already know how to turn off the fire.
Pain is an uncanny thing that comes in different faces but no matter how smart it plays with us we still have an option on where to strike it. Of course, a positive approach will only yield to a same kind. I met death a lot of times before I realized how the game should be played and so far, I still have the trophy. To wrap everything up, I would like to leave another quotation from my personal favorite author Paulo Coelho from his book By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, “You drown not by falling into a river, but by staying submerged in it.”
Thank you very much and have a good one.

...Amazing..

2006-02-19T17:10:00.000-08:00

Thursday
021606

So amazing how people's lives cross each other... since i got here, i witnessed a lot those and it really fascinates me a lot.. even up to now... ok... ill elaborate them for you...

my new friends now wouldn't be possible with out xylica.. xylica isn't really a close friend of mine when we were in college.. but we were seatmate.. *ehem! cheatmates! hahaha*..she found out that im in california.. and so is she.. she asked me where i live and go to school.. coincidently, her friends and i live at the same county and enrolled at the same school..!!!..so glad to hear coz i was really feeling lonely that time.. so when school started..we met and became friends..

here goes another one... early december, i got this feeling of logging in at mirc after a couple of months of not chatting..met this guy *now he is my friend* named paolo alias tarshy..what really amazed me is, he was the former student of my bestfriend *brother marc* another thing... paolo's bestfriend was my chatmate a long time before..!!.hahaha...college days i think.. hahahaa.. seee..!!!!

then the latest thing.... gretchen's 'x' is our neighbor..!!!! hahahaha...^_^ so funny... after my class last thursday, i was on the fone with tarshy when gretch saw me outside the library..she approached me and invited me to the private study room inside the library..so i hang up with tarshy and followed her.. i saw this 'love letter' from mr. x. ive read the sender's address that says 'foxglove place' my heart leaped..!!.. that was our street address..!!!..hahaha..!!!!..asked her tons of questions...bottom line.. his 'x'is our neighbor..saw him couple of times already..!!..hehehe.. and..the best part... gretch knows where i live now..and our homes are quite near... *daw*.. according to her..!!..hahaha..

i love it when these things happens... its just so amazing how strangers crosses each other in an unplanned moment and become friends.. and the most fascinating part... is how God planned everything..even small things that happen have its purpose in it... and God let these things happen at the right moment...never too late.. nor too early...just on time....

...this what i want when i die..!!!!.. spooky

2006-02-17T20:24:00.000-08:00

This is my most awaited part of my life. The end. At last! My sufferings have ended and I do not have to worry about the world anymore. I am deeply sorry if I have left a lot of unfinished works and you are responsible of taking care of it. But I am at rest and happy now.
These are my last requests on what I would like to happen to my body, my tombstone, funeral and obituary. I like my dead body to be buried in my homeland,
Iligan City
,
Philippines, together with my relatives who passed away ahead of me. I want my face to be smiling because I am already at peace embracing eternal happiness. I want my face to be seen natural but please make me really beautiful. I do not want any marks of pain, loneliness, regrets, and suffering to be seen in my face. I want my hair to be shiny and well fixed. I will be wearing a white tube gown, well ironed and neat, with my hands on my belly holding a bunch of white flowers, anything will do, and my 2 yr old rosary. I want my total appearance to simply look like a happy angel. Also, I like to be kept in a white casket with imprints of angels around it. Inside, I like my prayer books are to be placed beside me just like the usual thing that I do when I am sleeping, because I am.
During the last Mass before I will be buried under the ground, I like everybody I know to be present and wearing white shirts. I do not want anybody wearing black. As much as possible, I like those people who really became a part of my life to come even though they are from a far specially Bro Marc. Those I knew: friends, relatives, classmates, my Lasallian family, housemaids, cousins and who hated me, because these persons helped fulfill my mission in life. They painted it with colors and gave me the reason to stand up and bring out the best in me. During this ceremony, I like my favorite songs to be played. Songs that I recorded in my iPod. I like my brother to sing some of those songs for me. For the persons who will deliver their last words for me, first, I want that to be my brother because he was not really vocal about our relationship as siblings. There are some things that I want to hear from him. And Brother Marc, because he is the one who knows my plans for the future, and I hope somebody can fulfill that for me.
For my tombstone, I like it to look like a cemented brown scroll with angels beside it. I want those angels to be smiling and cute. In it, I like these words to appear, “Born on May 13, 1988 and died with fulfillment and eternal happiness on December 13, 2005. To God I offer my life”. For the outermost covering of my grave, I like it to be tiled, like my grandfather’s, but the color is pastel green. Lots of flowers will be surrounding my grave, of different kinds. Scented candles are used.
In my obituary, I like these texts to appear “Jazzy Lauren E. Ogbac, 17, died on December 13, 2005. She was born May 13 1988 to Marily and Evar Ogbac. She lived her life in service for other people and strived to leave unforgettable good memories to those who walked along with her. She tried her best to place a smile on her loved ones’ faces and even to those who hated her. She made herself useful when she was still alive and stretched out her hand to those who needed her help. She only wants everyone surrounding her to be joyous, and now that she is gone, her only hope is that what she left will not be buried together with her body underground.”
And lastly, at the end of the day, I want everybody to make a toast and rejoice.
This may cost too much with regards to financial expenses. I intentionally want that because I died not having my debut party and wedding day which for sure are the most important days that missed. Furthermore, it is reunion for everybody since I know for so long, my relatives are separated by distance and time, my friends are busy and my relatives have not met my entire friends yet. So, this is a celebration of unity and acquaintance for everybody. For me, everything that happens has its purpose, and for my death, I want this to be one of its purposes.

*this is just my assignment before...i apologize for some/a lot of grammatical errors! hahahaah..*

..and the winner is.....!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-16T18:51:00.000-08:00

..hahahaa.. sadly.. nobody got the right guess... well, monica almost had it but she didn't had one sure answer but it was one of her choices though.. ^_^

nwei.. the story goes like this.....last sunday, i asked somebody to go out with me during the valentine's eve...its a date, to be exact. however, the guy that i asked was busy... he has work... so he couldn't make it out... which is sad... 2 things why.. first, it was my first time to ask a guy to date me... *hahaha!*.. second, coz its my first time to share my valentine's eve with a guy i love.. hahha.. seee.. ouch..!!!.. so anwei, when i got home on the 14th.. i saw this snowy beary lying in my bed with my comforter over him..!!! *half of its body atleast..* hahhah... so its a sort of compensation of denying my invitaion.... right..??..*to refuse an offer is an insult..! as what they say..*..but it worked.. it made me happy.. surprised me a lot..brightened my whole day and gave me red face.. awwwww... hehehhee.... im easy to please.. ^_^

so who's the lucky guy then..??? ... my answer is.... I JUST LOVE HIM..... love you DAD..

...Happy Valentine's peeps....

..so who's the lucky guy..???..

2006-02-14T11:18:00.000-08:00

Last night, i was so excited about tomorrow..coz its valentine's day... i was thinking what new things tomorrow will bring to me. my past valentines were just the same.. sometimes i don't receive any gifts and sometimes i have. funny thing coz if i got one, i give it to somebody else.. hahahaa..!!!... what a weirdo..!!!!

so tomorrow becomes today.... early in the morning i received a text message from my bestriend.. *bro marc*.. he asked me., "so who is the lucky guy?" a grin came into my face..!!!.. 2 things.. is he expecting that ill be on a date? and what's with that 'lucky' thing???...and i tell you,.. from school until i got home.. i was thinking about it all the time..!!! hahahaaha.... something weird.. ok.. honestly speaking... i am really hoping that something different will come... hahahaa.... its normal..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...im a single woman waiting.. *ehem! slash looking..??* for love to find me.. hehehehehe... im not pathetic..!!! im being REAL.!!!..face it..! im a teenager..!!!! ^_^.. so after my class, went to the library, met Monica did some chit chat with her.. laughs and all those stuffs.. hahah.. *its really fun being with her* went to the honor's program center.. got an application form... called my brother to pick me up.. *don't forget the shouts i got from him* went home.. ate my lunch with him... went to my bed room and... ttttssseeeeddddeennggg..!!!... a snowy bear with a rose waiting for me..!!!..hahahahaa..... i honestly was surprised when i saw this cuddly stuff in my bed.. hahaha.. i personally don't like stuffed toys..but when i saw this thing.... wow..!!!!....'oohhh...somebody loves me..!!' i told my self.. hehehee..

ok.. so here's the million kisses question...who gave me this valentine bear then..??? ^_^

..where are the policemen..?!!!!!!!

2006-02-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

..this is really really funny day for me....unplanned adventure in the freeway..!!!..

..start of.. we left our house around 1:30 pm since my brother and i have a class by 2 pm... driving the side street was going pretty well like we used to.... warm air, moderate traffic, cool music and couple of stories to share... as we reached the freeway 210 something smelled really awful and things went weird..the car started to shake.. i smelled burning tires and i saw flying rubber in my right widow..!!! hahaha... it was the tire..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... burning and ripped off..!!!..

so we parked on the far right of the freeway......a bit relieved because it wasn't the worst scenario ever.. the rim was ok.. and the tire didn't got off its place...we left only one choice... change the tire... well, not a big deal at first... i even wanted to do it by myself...so we remove the spare tire from the hood... and the tools, the jack and so on... but upon doing it... it was really worst as expected..!!! God..!!!!!!!!... the jack was lame.. couldn't lift the car *because it was like a race car, lowered and heavy* the knots were really tight.. and i mean really tight..!!!!...we even tried to jump over it to loosen it up...!!..like five times or so and gladly it gave up..!!!! it took us almost an hour to change the tire since everything wouldn't conspire us..!!! where are the policemen??!!!!!!!!!!!.. thats what we were crying for..!!!... at this very moment of need.. no one appeared....but still we managed to laugh..!!!.hahahaha... we couldn't image that this was happening to us.....a moment of bad luck...!!..hehehehe.. we ended up absent in our classes..and i still have to meet my professor for my paper..!!! jeeezzee..... that was fun though.. ^_^

'do you have a boyfriend..??'

2006-02-12T22:08:00.000-08:00

...NO I DON'T HAVE ONE...

* i am not interested with it

* im busy because i have to maintain something

* i am not comfortable of being with men whose intention/s is/are beyond friendship

* i don't want 'mushy' stuffs.

* i want to befriend with everybody and not have a 'special' relationship with somebody

* i don't have the job to earn money for our dates

..and i think the best reason i could give...

~*~*~*~ we haven't found each other yet ~*~*~*~

'..if somebody will come are you willing to give it a shot..??..'

* if my heart says go and my mind says you try.. definitely i will say.. why not..

..badminton boost..

2006-02-12T21:31:00.000-08:00

..i confess.. i really am a frustrated badminton player...i love to play the game but it seems it doesn't have any interest in me. not at all.. so what keeps me going then..????....

..i've been through a lot of rejections. i can say, they are one of the reasons why i stopped for a while..my brother asked me why i don't go with him anymore,i simply told him im busy. one lame reason for a non-working woman during the summer. huh..!!!!..it is.. before i used to tell my self.., they can't pull me down coz il keep on going...but uncosciously/consciously i gave up..

then last night, i played the game after a long break.the first game was really dumb. i didn't feel playing but my mind keep on pushing. i felt ashamed of what i did. it was added to the 'worst list' huh.!!.. some say i just uncomfortably, my mind isn't the game.. i don't run that much.., i don't put my raquet up... blah blah blah.. i know what it is..!!!..so just tell my body to do that..! darn'!!!..

so i gave another shot... this time, my brother wasn't my partner.. good thing.. that's what i like honestly...we lost. but i knew it was a nice one.. i played right.. *for me* better than the last one... i did good... it was a great feat.. i approached the bench right beside my raquet bag... then the man asked me if i play often.. i told him, its been months since i stepped my foot on the court.. then he told me... u better come here often.. you've got good senses...u just have to improve ur skills.....

honestly, it gave me the kick that i longed for so long....that was the best comment i have ever heard in my badminton history..wow...and now, i think i can.. need to loose some weight to act what it should be...

...me....

2006-02-11T18:22:00.000-08:00

....my decent blog spot..wow..!!..love it...

..a new way of expressing the real me and ofcourse... letting my mind speak of issues in this dangerous world.. hahahaa..!!!!..

....just wanna practice speaking my mind...like i used to... coz i kept it for so long... i might forget and loose everything my mind has... ^_^