..its been a long time since i posted something here..oh well, maybe the my urge of writing right now is greater than before....probably, because i just want to express something....
....IM I THE ONLY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS WORLD...?
...ok...my two closest friends are happy with their partners...Gretchen has found a new love...while Monica is still going strong with her *ehem* love one... oh well, no need to give a deep info on that.....well anway..., that leaves me the only single in our small world...... QUESTIONS..??..yeah..yeah.. yeah... im kinda sad... before, i used to pray to God not to give me a suitor unless I graduate..i say..., God really is a good friend of mine..He really listens to what i say..! hahahaha....and this isn't the very first time He did that to me....oh welll,,, yeah im kinda sad trully...sometimes,whenever i watch films about love, i envy them, and i wish i also have somebody to share my life with...*nax!*.. yeah.... im 18...so why can't i..??? or... can i..??! hahaha... my parents won't agree on me with regards of love..thats one of the reasons why i prayed for it.. oh well.. envy envy envy..envy me... yeah.. i guess.. i have to live like this.. hahaha... living my own prayers..but thank u Lord though..coz i know u have reasons ... and i asked for it......so i guess.. before u ask something.. THINK ABOUT IT..!!!! ..
.. a start of pushing the envelope.. going out of my comfort zone... doing the thing that i wanted to do but held with fears and insecurities.. this is my plight for change.. pursuing something out of my league but has been a dream to become. A writer, I must..!!..
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Saturday, April 22, 2006
"Being a Geisha is not about selling her body but her talent"
Movie Preview
Memoirs of a Geisha
i have waited for this film to be released since i heard they made a novel into a movie.... well, i missed to see it when it was showed in the theater, but then i have my own copy of it now....i was excited to watch the movie for it was one of my tastes, western style.However,after i saw the film, my likeness seemes to reach the end...it was a good movie, but other concerns implies to me negatively...
"Being a Geisha is not about selling her body but her talent"*im not sure if this is the right phrase but the thought is still the same" as one of those who watched the movie, it implies to me that "Being a Geisha is to sell her body using her talent"..why would i consider such..??? well the movie tells me so...first, she was like a poor thing that has to be developed in order to be a geisha..... she was bought and trained to be one... then whe she has all the talents she was used to pay her debts...then she was advertised.well to be clearly, her virginity was advertised 'the snake has not yet reach the cave' and everyone was longing for her first time since it was something 'sacred' and the highest bidder could have her first time... so 15,00 yen was the highest..such a low price for a priceless dignity... ok...so there is more...after the war..she became poor again..then one of her customers approached her to help him 'convince' the americans for a business..... well, she did.she became a geisha again... so on... the movie says that it was for love. she was in love with the chairman and she was determined to be a geisha just to see him....well, they say... u conquer everything for love...but..to what extent are u willing to give and able to give for love.? that is my search since i haven't been 'in love'
however, the movie in general for me was humanly in correct.women,in focus, should not be seeing themselves as persons who use their body as an object of money. a woman's organ is not a determinant of her worth. neither a woman should not let herself be judged by what is seen or touched. it isn't about religion that i speak of, rather, about a creature with purpose. her purpose is not to be used by people , both men and women, rather a deeper insight of it. she is not an object of pleasure to be longe by people in search of it. a woman is someone and not something.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
...ohhh..i Love my First time..!!!..
..ok....i don't know exactly how to begin coz my mind says 'u post a blog' while my body says 'nah..just sleep'...ok...so ill post a blog.... ok.. this is about my first time...
...last Monday, i got off from school at around 9 pm..so i went on top of the hill...i saw this man..., an asian.., cute... really really handsome..and sizzling hot... wow..!!!..super hot....i was seduced by him..i went up and together we had a journey to heaven..it was pretty smooth, although we had a couple of bumpy roads in the middle of our long drive that we were really really really tired......, yet, we were still satisfied.....it was 10 pm when we finally reached the very point since we had it twice... it was really really stressfull and we almost got lost... but in the end... satisfaction guaranteed.... ^_^.. hahahaha.... i wanna do it with him again... =p
.....it was my first public Ride in California....
....Thank u for Omni Bus Transpo..!!!....i almost got lost because it was my first time to ride a bus and i was alone...i only had the bus book in my hand.. and thanx also to Bianca who answered my phone calls during that night.. get well soon bianca..!!!..
.....hahaha..... VICTIM..!!! ^_^
...last Monday, i got off from school at around 9 pm..so i went on top of the hill...i saw this man..., an asian.., cute... really really handsome..and sizzling hot... wow..!!!..super hot....i was seduced by him..i went up and together we had a journey to heaven..it was pretty smooth, although we had a couple of bumpy roads in the middle of our long drive that we were really really really tired......, yet, we were still satisfied.....it was 10 pm when we finally reached the very point since we had it twice... it was really really stressfull and we almost got lost... but in the end... satisfaction guaranteed.... ^_^.. hahahaha.... i wanna do it with him again... =p
.....it was my first public Ride in California....
....Thank u for Omni Bus Transpo..!!!....i almost got lost because it was my first time to ride a bus and i was alone...i only had the bus book in my hand.. and thanx also to Bianca who answered my phone calls during that night.. get well soon bianca..!!!..
.....hahaha..... VICTIM..!!! ^_^
Thursday, April 06, 2006
..Music Review...
Steep
by Nina
Softly, gently, i will let you down
Cause i don't love you in the same way now
I can hold you but not with lover's arms
Cause you are more of a brother to me now
And i can lie next to you, but i can't lie to you
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep, for me it's getting
Steep
I loved you for exactly who you are,
And i'd say you've come the nearest yet by far,
And i can lie next tou you, but i can't lie to you
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep, for me it's getting
Steeper and in the dark that's where i want to be
Deeper, i'm going somewhere you won't want to see...
So walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain,
For you the future's easy, so don't weep
Yes i will watch you,
Walk into the sun and watch me
Run into the rain drops
For you the future's easy, so don't weep
For me it's getting
Steep.
Monday, April 03, 2006
..errr..just wanna share something..
A Quest for a Gist
I bought a book entitled The Alchemist written by Paolo Coelho who later became my favorite author. The book was recommended by a friend of mine who told me how inspiring the book is. So I bought my own copy and read it as soon as I reached my home. As I have completed the first few chapters, I immediately liked it. Few reasons: maybe because of its comprehensible narration just like a fairytale book; its quotations that I can relate with; and the simplicity of words. However in the middle part of it, I have read a line which says, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”, then I stopped and closed the book. In that moment I remembered my most frustrating moment of my life.
De La Salle University is one of the prestigious universities in my country, Philippines. It was my dream to be enrolled in that school not because of it being famous but other important things such as: the Christian values they inject to the students; competitive students they produce; good environment; high possibility of having a quality job after graduation etc. I am a Lasallian, the name they call to the student who is enrolled to any of their schools and practice the Lasallian values, that is why I know how the organization enriches their students. It was in that school that I planted my dreams and my future that is why I stopped dreaming for a while after I found out I did not get through it. I was at the internet café when I did not saw my name on the list of passers. I was trying to hold back my tears because I was in a public place but few drops kept falling from my red eyes even in front of the cashier that made him ask me “why are you crying?”, I just stared at him and I think he understood the unspoken words. I can not even recall how I managed to bring myself home safely with an unfocused mind and drifting heart, but I know that As soon as I reached home, I threw my self to bed and cried loudly and told my mom what happened. I knew she was going to blame everything to me and I was right. Moreover, for the first time, I lost my words to defend my self and let my Mom’s judgments joined with my own regrets. When she left my room, I stood and locked the door; I sat in front of a Crucifix and asked “Why?” I said things but I never blamed nor shout at Him. I just asked for strength to accept things; open-mind to understand what happened; courage to face the present; and hope for my future. But the pain was still all over me. I had to go to school even though I looked haggard, unprepared and emotionally unstable. Yes, I was physically present yet mentally absent. For a week I was silent and lost then I burst when the letters from De La Salle University was given to us. I knew what was inside so I did not open mine, until now. I tried to escape so I would not see the happy faces of the passers but sadness was fast and I ended up hugging my friend and cried deeply again.
I graduated High School and went to Manila for College. The pain due to failure was still in me but not as much as before. It was still penetrating me but I must move on. It was even harder because two of my cousins are enrolled there and taking the course that I wanted and I was just envious of them. I could not look at the campus when we passed in front of it several times, either. I tried once but the pain kicked again and tears were falling again. I could not accept the fact because I did not see any reason why I should, not until our immigration papers were approved. I allotted a time for me to look back and search for the missing piece. There are few things in my mind right now. First, I went to Trinity College of Quezon City with a scholarship taking B.S Nursing then our immigration papers were approved. If I was enrolled in De La Salle University, it could have cost me more since everything there is expensive and considering the fact that scholarship is hard to get in a high standard school. Second, perhaps God thinks I am not well equipped to enter a tough competition and failure might decrease my self-esteem. Lastly, probably it was just a test for me to check on how I deal with things particularly with failures and be ready for a bigger challenge.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”. I wanted to be in the said University unfortunately, I did not get through the test. So does this mean that the universe forgot to help me achieve my goal? I would rather not accept that kind of notion. It has this uncanny way to think of it. The universe helped me to achieve my goal by not letting me pass the test. The frustration that I dealt before was a bridge done by the universe so I can be nearer to my dream. Meaning, I have to look at the brighter side of things instead of taking it negatively. Moreover, it was assistance instead of hindrance. Even though it was drowning me to death, I have to pull myself and move on. As what Paolo Coelho said “you drown not by falling into the water, but staying submerged in it”. I had to be firm when I fought against my emotions because for me I can not live my whole life in the past since there are things in the future that I have to meet. I struggled in a bumpy road towards my goal while searching for answers and in the middle of it I found one that helped soothe everything. I guess no matter how arduous it may seem it still has its meaning and any meaningful thing has its purpose and its purpose is to bring me closer to my dream.
I bought a book entitled The Alchemist written by Paolo Coelho who later became my favorite author. The book was recommended by a friend of mine who told me how inspiring the book is. So I bought my own copy and read it as soon as I reached my home. As I have completed the first few chapters, I immediately liked it. Few reasons: maybe because of its comprehensible narration just like a fairytale book; its quotations that I can relate with; and the simplicity of words. However in the middle part of it, I have read a line which says, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”, then I stopped and closed the book. In that moment I remembered my most frustrating moment of my life.
De La Salle University is one of the prestigious universities in my country, Philippines. It was my dream to be enrolled in that school not because of it being famous but other important things such as: the Christian values they inject to the students; competitive students they produce; good environment; high possibility of having a quality job after graduation etc. I am a Lasallian, the name they call to the student who is enrolled to any of their schools and practice the Lasallian values, that is why I know how the organization enriches their students. It was in that school that I planted my dreams and my future that is why I stopped dreaming for a while after I found out I did not get through it. I was at the internet café when I did not saw my name on the list of passers. I was trying to hold back my tears because I was in a public place but few drops kept falling from my red eyes even in front of the cashier that made him ask me “why are you crying?”, I just stared at him and I think he understood the unspoken words. I can not even recall how I managed to bring myself home safely with an unfocused mind and drifting heart, but I know that As soon as I reached home, I threw my self to bed and cried loudly and told my mom what happened. I knew she was going to blame everything to me and I was right. Moreover, for the first time, I lost my words to defend my self and let my Mom’s judgments joined with my own regrets. When she left my room, I stood and locked the door; I sat in front of a Crucifix and asked “Why?” I said things but I never blamed nor shout at Him. I just asked for strength to accept things; open-mind to understand what happened; courage to face the present; and hope for my future. But the pain was still all over me. I had to go to school even though I looked haggard, unprepared and emotionally unstable. Yes, I was physically present yet mentally absent. For a week I was silent and lost then I burst when the letters from De La Salle University was given to us. I knew what was inside so I did not open mine, until now. I tried to escape so I would not see the happy faces of the passers but sadness was fast and I ended up hugging my friend and cried deeply again.
I graduated High School and went to Manila for College. The pain due to failure was still in me but not as much as before. It was still penetrating me but I must move on. It was even harder because two of my cousins are enrolled there and taking the course that I wanted and I was just envious of them. I could not look at the campus when we passed in front of it several times, either. I tried once but the pain kicked again and tears were falling again. I could not accept the fact because I did not see any reason why I should, not until our immigration papers were approved. I allotted a time for me to look back and search for the missing piece. There are few things in my mind right now. First, I went to Trinity College of Quezon City with a scholarship taking B.S Nursing then our immigration papers were approved. If I was enrolled in De La Salle University, it could have cost me more since everything there is expensive and considering the fact that scholarship is hard to get in a high standard school. Second, perhaps God thinks I am not well equipped to enter a tough competition and failure might decrease my self-esteem. Lastly, probably it was just a test for me to check on how I deal with things particularly with failures and be ready for a bigger challenge.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”. I wanted to be in the said University unfortunately, I did not get through the test. So does this mean that the universe forgot to help me achieve my goal? I would rather not accept that kind of notion. It has this uncanny way to think of it. The universe helped me to achieve my goal by not letting me pass the test. The frustration that I dealt before was a bridge done by the universe so I can be nearer to my dream. Meaning, I have to look at the brighter side of things instead of taking it negatively. Moreover, it was assistance instead of hindrance. Even though it was drowning me to death, I have to pull myself and move on. As what Paolo Coelho said “you drown not by falling into the water, but staying submerged in it”. I had to be firm when I fought against my emotions because for me I can not live my whole life in the past since there are things in the future that I have to meet. I struggled in a bumpy road towards my goal while searching for answers and in the middle of it I found one that helped soothe everything. I guess no matter how arduous it may seem it still has its meaning and any meaningful thing has its purpose and its purpose is to bring me closer to my dream.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
...What the..??!!!..
..March 28, 2004 at 1:30 P.M..
>>>> suppose to be my behind the wheel driving test...so the night before my 'conviction' , i was so nervous..i already had butterflies in my stomach..!!... i even had a dream about tomorrow.!!..i had enough sleep coz i slept around 10 pm...but then i woke four times..!!!... 3:00 am, 4:am, 6 am then 6:45 am.. excited..??!!..not really.... scared..??!!!.. SUPER..!!!!!!!!.. hahahaaha....
>>>> i went to school. i attended my class but my mind was still in that darn driving test..!!!..i went to the library after... met Monica there..we chatted in the study room..! *harharhar..! favorite chatting place..! hahaha..* as we alway do.. c", then she went out by 10:50 coz she has a class... so my dad picked me up by 11 am...
>>>>we went driving around the DMV to be familiar with the road.. it was raining and some streets were flooded... and it added excitement to me..! hahaha..coz behind my head i was thinking about the considerations they would give.lol..!..*difficult to drive*.. so around 12:45 we thought of going to dmv now coz there might be a long lane ahead of us..however, we couldn't find the place..!!!.. hahhaa..adventure..! we moved around 1 street coz i was sure it was located there, yet we passed it 3x..! hahahaa....
>>>> we got there by 1:09..too early and suprisingly, there were only few people so we were entertained pretty fast.... i gave my papers then the fat old *i think late 40's* spoke to us RUDELY..!!!.. and said they might cancel the drving test coz of the rain but she let us wait because the rain stopped for a while.. then by 2:15 *more than an hour!!* she called my name and asked as to park in the parking space for those who will be taking the test.. i sat behind the wheel waited for the proctor who passed our car twice and a CERTIFIED CUTIE.. n_n hahahaa... lol..!!!.. he asked me to open my window for my preliminary test i was calm *coz its best for me*.. he asked for my papers.. then suddenly he said.. "im sorry i couldn't allow u to take the test coz ur permit has not reached 6 months..but its ok to take it when u reach 18...which comes first between the two, thats when we will allow u to take the test..." and i was just.. WHHHAATTTT?!!!!... it wasn't funny at all..! he told us to go meet the person at the front desk...
>>>> and so the rude fat old lady and i met again..!!!..and was even worst..!!!!.. her eyes grew big when i talked about my permit.. asked her why she didn't tell me when she checked it.... damn that fat woman..!!! she's a bitch... *im sorry.!* but she really is dumb ass..!!!... her rudeness ruined my day..!!!!!!!
>>>> so i went home pissed off..!!..and really pissed off... i drove smoothly..*made me think, do i have to be on heat so i can drive like this??* i ate a lot so i would calm down.. * my evil therapy* ....and slept whole afternoon so i wouldn't think of crazy things..!!!... still.,, damn that fat old woman..!!!!!..
Monday, March 27, 2006
..another guessing game... ^_^
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